and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
