so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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