he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
