i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I intend to get homeless drunk
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
