I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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