Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
