Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
