And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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