College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
