Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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