R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
