I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
