found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
