found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
