all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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