Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
