I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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