You smell like stripper and shame
im six kinds of drunk right now
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
