I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Success! We fucked roommates!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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