Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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