I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
even my farts smell like vagina
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
