He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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