i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
