He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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