Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
