another moral hangover. fuck.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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