you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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