Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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