so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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