i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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