meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
