So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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