Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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