is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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