the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
