just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
