Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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