I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
