he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
