News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
