So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
