Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
