First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
this hospital has no fireball
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
