I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
