She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
