I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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