U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
