I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
