ya dads aren't the best wingmen
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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