when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
