today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
