I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
