Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
