goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
