Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
