FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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