I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
