What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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