How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
