and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
